3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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