I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
