But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
