I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Randomize
