I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Randomize
