Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
