my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
