I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Randomize
