I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
