2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
