Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
