It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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