I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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