Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
