I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
