lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
