One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
