dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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