Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
