dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
be right there i have to get my cape
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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