They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
