sorry about calling you the devil all night.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
