3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Randomize
