you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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