He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
i think im in europe. pls send help
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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