sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
