the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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