How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Randomize
