he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Randomize
