I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Randomize
