i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
