you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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