this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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