I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Randomize
