I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
