So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
