I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
