You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
