Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
