she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Randomize
