I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
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