My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
