YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Randomize
