There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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