today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
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