i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
