I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
