there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
There's a naked man in my car right now.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
