Pants 0. Shit 1.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
