Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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