U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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