I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
